I've spent far too many years being something I'm not. I'm not one to wear black, smoke, or wax on about poetry or indie films. I don't care for roller derby, or raves, or wearing matching t-shirts for any reason. I don't get "hip." It's not that I'm too old, it's just that these things aren't me.
I want to wear boots from L.L. Bean and plaid shirts. Eating pizza brings me happiness and as much as I want to be more fit, I'm not going to eat celery all day and starve. I want to hear Christmas carols sung by Bing Crosby not the latest pop group that will be forgotten in a few months. I'm tartan not mod. I'm burgers over fillet. I'm primary colors over neon.
Making art brings me joy at every level. Making MY art; not what others want to see. Trends in arts are not for me. I'll create what I like and you should do the same.
This life is short. I want to fill my days with people and things that I deem to be uplifting and full of quality. As the saying goes, "Quality not quantity." I've looked into the past and have seen things I don't like. No regrets, per se, but too much time spent with people that don't feed me on an emotional or spiritual level. As others have told me, I'm an emotional sponge. My "sponge" has absorbed too many bad emotional habits and I'm ready to break free. Bad habits are for teenagers and I need and want to embrace being a man.
Saying I want to be a man has so many connotations. I fought for too long not to be "manly." I shaved my chest and dressed too young for my age. That was a mistake. I like my bald head and my hairy chest. I love the fact I can hang out at bars or in a bookstore any time I want. I'm thrilled that my voice gets deeper the older I get. I'm even okay with a few extra pounds when I used to hate feeling fat. I enjoy the fact that I can be anything as a man: masculine or feminine. Rough or soft. Playful or serious.
I like me. Maybe I like being me for the first time in my life.
Happy New Year, indeed.
